Recently I was faced with an unexpected reality which feels like a volcano erupted on my face again and again. I have always known myself as a very resilient person with a strong mindset, after gone through endless traumas since my childhood and having overcome my conditions since my brain injury. And having to move countries after New Zealand’s earthquake and re-building my life to what it is now; graduated from an Australian University, left my career and started my previous event business which was fully booked right from the first six months. Turning my friend’s suicide into a social platform ‘Strive and Thrive’, a movement which inspires and empowers others to strive through challenges to thrive into a resilient positive life. Successfully ran sold out events which numbers keep growing each year. And not to mention winning awards and being on media and the list goes on.
But what happened recently really questioned myself if I have really re-built myself resiliently as I claimed to be. Because what happened recently had made me feel like as if I was an imposter. I never wanted to be like those coaches/mentors/speakers/ so called gurus who didn’t practice what they preach. And here I am wondering if I was one.
So this last few months had been challenging for me. I was determined to complete my online program on resilience which I started to create last year. I underestimated the whole process of setting up my online school and the sudden fears and doubts which emerged from the process. Plus the legal process of changing my business structure from what it was before to an online business which will be operating internationally. Anyway despite everything which was happened during that creation process, I was in the flow and not letting any of those stressors affect me. In fact, my partner and I decided that we will go for a holiday back to my home country while waiting for the legal stuffs to be approved.
We went to Singapore and being that was our first trip to my hometown, I decided to show him around my old locals. The first week was great however the challenging times started when we visited few places which had brought back some traumas from my childhood to my young adulthood. I got triggered one after another and due to our busy schedule, we were simply hopping from one place to another that it didn’t occur to me that I need to STOP and deal with my triggers. By the time we got back to the hotel, I was exhausted that I just went to bed. The second week I must admit that my resilience was probably low by then. And a family member made few comments which triggered me in a massive way as again it triggered my childhood which involved her. I flipped massively and reacted in a way which I shouldn’t have. I could feel my panic attack was approaching and emotionally my heart was hurting like it was when I was a child. Every memory involving her has submerged and I could see every unpleasant memories playing in my head like it was just yesterday. That episode had caused me so much pain that I ended up in bed for 6 days with migraines and a throbbing brain. As someone who has had brain injury, I’m hypersensitive to emotional and mental stressors as it could swell up my brain which then could also swell up my face and it will take me days to get well again.
Anyhow as I spent the remaining days of my holiday in bed, guilt and all kinds of emotions rolled in. I felt devastated, perhaps I wasn’t as resilient as I thought to be. I was disappointed in myself and feel like a failure as I knew I shouldn’t have neglected my triggers and reacted to that confrontation the way I did. During a crying moment, I saw my inner child and we had a brief conversation in my mind which I find was truly beautiful. I will write more about meeting my inner child in my future blog. However meeting her made me realised that I have worked very hard for my healing since my brain injury in 2006 but I have not healed myself over my childhood traumas. So when I got home, I started therapy again to help me with these unresolved issues which I had been suppressing since I was a child.
Here are my tips on emotional healing:
- Remove yourself from any toxic environment or individual
- Letting go of all ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts
- Face and embrace all emotions
- Send love to your pain
- Forgive yourself and the other party involved
- Give yourself time to recover
- Spend time alone to reflect
- Reach out and get help from those who care and a professional help
- Turn your wounds into wisdom
- Focus on things and people who makes you happy
This experience has really taught me some valuable lessons and now looking back it wasn’t all a bad experience as it has helped me to purged a lot of stuffs. Like my therapist said, this had to happen now right before my online program is launched. Because the fears and doubts which I had before were from these unresolved issues. And now that I’m working on clearing those issues, the time has now come for me to spread my wings and fly as nothing will hold me back anymore.
“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses, and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” ~ Joseph Addison
This emotional healing has connected me fully to my Highest Self and I would like to share them with anyone who needs this. I am planning to create a free online workshop specifically on emotional healing from the past. If you are interested to know more then subscribe to my mailing list below and you will be notified once it is ready.
“You are Enough and Worthy of All Unconditional Love” – Norita Omar
Have you gone through similar situations and how did you overcome yours? Let’s start this conversation or message me via our socials as I am looking for stories of resilient individuals who overcome their challenges!